


He could live

by ShiHeTsu



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Near Death Experiences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:49:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24305422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiHeTsu/pseuds/ShiHeTsu
Summary: The white spots easily could be seen on a black plastic sheet of an x-ray. What has been in Izaya's chest finally started to bother this throat trying to escape his lungs. On his hand landed adorable small flowers of lily of the valley with their happiness and luck with a hint of humility. Every seven days or so with his condition getting worse, more vibrant in color and bigger petals were scattered on the white materials of napkins and handkerchiefs, each one more deadly than the last one.But he would not let them make him turn to the only person who could fix all of it. Izaya decided that death was far more easier option.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Comments: 2
Kudos: 112





	He could live

“You know that no amount of those will help me, Namie-chan?” Izaya asked with a teasing smirk lifting a tall glass with a mix of fruits and vegetables.

To say it had some particular flavor of one of ingrediencies was a big understatement; more like all kids of tastes with bitter and sweet and a bit of sourness at a back of his tongue. He wasn’t sure what his secretary added to that mix but now he simply didn't care. The mush in the glass was a bit greenish and the straw of the same if not more vibrant color looked like one of those suspicious drinks given by old witches to unfortunate souls. Izaya looked at Yagiri still struggling with dishes with fierce look in her eyes.

“I can see a resemblance...” he murmured to himself glad that the distance made his words unnoticed by the woman.

Even with her whole cold demander he needed to admit that Namie nowadays was an overprotective nuisance in her own standoffish way. She hasn't said it out loud but her actions were enough for him to notice that she cared. That put a crooked smile on his face. He gnawed at the straw in witch’s goblet still deep in thoughts, from time to time trying to take a sip of the thick mixture inside that was clogging in a straw from time to time. One of her long bangs passed her shoulder while scrubbing with a sponge remains of fruits in a blender. She was a perfect picture of a dotting house wife in that moment. But he knew that her soul was as ugly as his own. Maybe that was the thing that tied them after her run away from Yagiri Pharmacy. She could run to States and hide from people that were looking for her. Instead she stayed in Japan to be closer to her brother and worked for Izaya depending on his protection. Because of the necessity she was pulling through his bullshit; from time to time seeing an amusement in their work together. At least that was what Izaya tried to tell himself for his own peace of mind. Sometimes their bickering was so similar to the one between siblings that they wished to have the bond with. Her unhealthy obsession with her brother and his necessary distance to his own sisters pushed them to this wired relationship where their true self could be revealed without concern for the other to get hurt.

But still... he was sitting with this mix of nutrition tasting like sewage water that she shoved into his hands with that expression of indifference on her face. And Izaya knew that she cared. Because it had started from the moment when her eyes have met the copy of his test results scattered all over a coffee table few months ago. Even with his suicidal plan she was standing by his side. But from where were the results?

After few chases with Shizu-chan and traps here and there set by his opponents; Izaya had gotten cornered with his rapidly decreasing stamina. Finally he had set for himself a visit to childhood friend for a checkup. Shinra has run some tests- normal stuff like blood sample, x-ray and what not while Izaya has been telling him about the symptoms nasty enough to not even be mentioned ever again. Blood and pressure have been fine; maybe besides a bit lower iron level due to him skipping a decent meal here and there. And then less than a week after the results of x-ray came. The white spots that could be easily seen on a black plastic sheet statted to bother this throat trying to escape his lungs.

First on his hand landed adorable small flowers of lily of the valley with their happiness and luck with a hint of humility. Spilling like beans from a dry couching. After a week along with thick mucus, long flowers of night-blooming jasmines replaced them, as if really a gift from gods. Every seven days or so with his condition getting worse, more vibrant in color and bigger petals were scattered on the white materials of napkins and handkerchiefs, each one more deadly than the last one. The flowers changed their shape to finally turn into a dark color of deadly nightshade.

A book with its knowledge about meaning of flowers was laying scattered on a carpet right beside a couch he was now occupying. He was rolling a dark flower between his fingers, dried from acidic bail while Namie was running here and there more focused on chores around his apartment than actual secretary duties. With its shape finally twisted in a roll he throw it away on open pages of the book while being accompanied by a loud click of heels.

“You’re not going to tell me for whom these are” Izaya heard a cold voice to the other side of a couch. He looked up to meet Namie bent over with her hands outstretched on top of backrest. Her face twisted in a scolding scowl. At that Izaya only turned on his other side placing his hands under a fluffy pillow.

“There is no use for you to actually worry yours pretty head with that” he finally rasped with frown at the scratch and incoming cough. He cleared his throat hoping that it would help.

“Why you try to keep safe the person that is killing you?!” she hissed while pressing on the pillows on the backrest that he could feel at the back behind him. Without any reaction from him she straighten her back and crossed her arms at the chest looking at anything as long as it would not be a pitiful sight of the informant. “Unbelievable that you can love someone so strongly that you’ve caught that thing” she finally turned with her back to him to lean on a couch.

“Wh…” he rushed up sitting and staring at her back. “It’s not one person. My lovely humans are taking my last breath” he finally throw himself theatrically back on a pillow with his arms outstretched behind his head. “They’re not even giving me a chance and time to show them my lo…”

“Stop that” hissed words cut him through his rumble and no longer after came a rushed palm hitting the same abused backrest with Namie’s whole body turned his way. “Stop it, you hear me?! Being this stubborn brat over and over again!” she raised her voice that at some point it surprised her as well. Izaya draped on his elbow giving her a cutting stare in the same time as she lowered her head and once again turned to the rest of the office. “You’re tiring me” she stood up. “I’m leaving. Try not to die till tomorrow” with that she left him alone slamming a front door on her way out.

For a minute or two Izaya was staring at the door with accusation in his eyes only to be cut by a cough then another to finally have a fit of it one after another ripping his lungs apart. He turned to a box of tissues on a coffee table to pick up one out and spill out on it. He looked with absent eyes at the phlegm tainted pink with pieces of dark violet flowers. He closed his finger around white paper-thin material and scrunched it in his palm with such a force that his hand started to tremble. He gritted his teeth in an anger at his own uselessness. His own powerlessness. He slowly sat up throwing his legs from a couch and burring his bare feet in fluffy carpet. He was staring at his hand with tissue in it for a long time. How long he has left? Flowers changed somewhere in a middle of a day. And he could only assume that they were to stay with him for his final few days ahead of him. He could feel that the rest of strength left in his body was leaving him rapidly with constant drowsiness. At least there was no side effects like few weeks ago when he could see all sorts of hallucinations but the worst part had been who was a main character of those visions. Of “the person that is killing him” as Namie wonderfully put it.

The tall shape keeping him company in few moments of getting enough power to do actual work or when trying to fall asleep. He could see a bright stands of hair at the side of his vision that curled behind him on his bed while whispering terrible things into his own ear. In that time Namie turned her indifference to this whole situation that she had thought was a fluke to another level of troublesome overprotective with her green veggie shakes and nagging for a name so she could pay a visit and kill whomever put Izaya in this state.

He chuckled shortly only to throw crushed tissue right beside twisted flower on the top of an open book. He picked himself up taking a second to find a balance. After few steady breathes he moved to an exit while grabbing his least favorite hoodie from a hook right beside the front door.

No need to be recognized and bothered while roaming his lovely city for the last time. He would not let people see him and recognize in this state. He patted the sides to check for his stuff. He pushed a hood on his head and left the apartment.

*

Izaya leaned on a brick wall at a mouth of some unnamed alley, facing not so busy street with a small park on the other side of it. Bushes were cut low just enough to see wooden benches and their occupants or rather only one person that was in the park at such a late time. A smoke from a cigarette could be seen running above a blond mop of hair. The monster’s head was turned back so only that bright mane was gracing Izaya’s eyes. Probably for the better. He could hear and feel a low sound of his phone vibrating in his pocket. He fished it out not letting his eyes leave from the person sitting quite far away in the park. He picked it up not bothering to check who was calling him. He pressed a phone to his ear letting his head fall to support it by the wall.

“…zaya-kun. Izaya-kun! Are you there?” a caller has been as irritating as ever.

“Yeah” his raspy voice could only answer this much.

“Good!” Shinra’s voice replied cheerfully. “Listen! I know that it may be a controversial way of treatment and you would probably not like it, but my father is within this research team. I think you should try it” Izaya could hear how Shinra was pleased with the idea and was waiting for his affirmative reply. “Izaya-kun? You’re still there? Oi!” the doctor pressed after not hearing a word.

“No” Izaya finally stated hoping that it was not too quite but each word was a strain for his abused vocal cords. “Shinra… I think that is it. They are as dark as they can be” apparently his body decided that was enough and squeezed his chest into a coughing fit. He lowered his phone covering his mouth with a back of his hand.

Nervously he patted the side of his pocket in a search of small plastic inhalator. He took it out struggling with it while getting stuck on a stubborn material of the pocket. He insert a round narrow tube into his mouth and with a click he applied a douse of a medicine. He let his hand fall on a wall to support himself and cracking a plastic of the inhalator while keeping fumes of it in his lungs. He took few chocked breaths and trying to ease his throat he took deep inhales of polluted air through his nose. The world that faded away started to crash at all his senses at a rapid speed. The noise of the street, the stench of a back alley and annoying calling of his name from the phone still in his grasp. He let his forehead lean on the wall separated only by his hand still holding the inhalator. He put the phone back to his ear while turning his head to check on a person still idlily smoking a cigarette.

“Shinra…” he cut a vomit of panicked blur from the other side of a speaker. “I’m tired.”

“Ok. Tell me where you are. Celty will pick you up in no time!” he got back to his cheerful tone if not a bit strained.

“I’m tired” he repeated letting a long raspy gasp out. “I just want to go to sleep. A really…” he saw as the blonde man stood up and turned while putting a finished cigarette into a small envelope.” Really…” and then put the envelope into his breast pocket and moved to an exit of a park on the other side from Izaya. “ Really long sleep” and with that Shizuo Heiwajima left, on his way home.

“Izaya-kun…” after losing a sight on the ex-bartender the informant moved and put his back to the wall slowly sliding down on it to the ground. “Let us help you. We can fix it.”

“There is nothing you could do to fix it, Shinra” he said looking up at a blighted night sky. “But that ride home could be really helpful, ne~” he added trying to sound as his old self.

*

“So… this is it?” a voice behind Namie disturbed her. She turned around from her place leaning on a doorframe for a second to look at the doctor.

“Kishitani” she acknowledged a newcomer only to look back at the poor excuse of a boss lying still in a darkness of his bedroom. “He’s like that since I’d left yesterday.”

“You know what…” Shinra said claiming other side of a frame for himself with eyes stuck on the same point as the secretary. “I called him two days ago. He said that the only thing he wished for at this point was to sleep. For a really long time. Ne, Izaya-kun…” his words turned to still man as if he was there with them in the middle of a conversation. “Do you like your really long sleep?”

After a moment of heavy silence the doctor pushed himself from the frame with Namie right after him. He made his way to the bed and after taking a seat on a side of it he put his two fingers on a pulse point at Izaya’s neck. The heartbeat even if weak was still there. He let his hand fall in defeat. He couldn’t do anything else for his best if not annoying friend.

“Do you think they will come?” Namie’s voice pierce a silence filling the room.

“Namie-san” Shinra laughed shortly “you’re a cruel woman if you think that Izaya-kun would like to have someone anywhere near himself. Especially in a moment like that.”

“Well. That might help him cross to the other side” she replied bitterly.

“Yeah” Shinra said quietly. “They might. At this point there is nothing else they could do, right?”

After a long silent moment she finally said. “You should go” she moved to the door. “I will let you know when it’s over.”

“You’re going to stay?” the underground doctor asked while on his way after the woman.

“I won't believe that he is dead if I will not see it with my own eyes” he said dully.

With that they moved to a front door without a word. She pressed a handle ready to say her goodbye to Izaya’s friend only for the sentence to be cut off by a hand smashed at the wooden door ripped from her grip and thrown at a wall behind it. She looked up at the fair-haired man huffing and puffing like an enraged bull. He passed them and not even calls from Shinra were stopping fuming debt collector. Namie rushed at the unexpected guest and pulled at a sleeve of his white dress shirt.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” she shrieked pulling at the material with all her strength but without any result. The man didn’t even stumbled. “I asked you, you monster, what…” at that the blond stopped with Namie almost bumping at his back. He turned side of his face to her only to catch a glimpse of her.

“Leave” Shizuo said with stern voice.

“Shizuo-kun” Shinra butt in turning the blonde’s attention to him. “I don’t think that this is a good idea.”

“I said…” the blond moved his eyes and frowned at the flea’s secretary “LEAVE” the word left his mouth like a breath of fire through clenched teeth. Namie’s stance was unbending and seeing that she would not break in her resolve Shinra rushed to her side pulling at her arm that was still persistently clenching Shizuo’s shirt.

“Namie-san” Shinra said to her pulling at her arm like a toddler demanding attention. “I think it would be for the best to leave. Like right now, ne~” he graced her with his wide smile. “Cross to the other side and such. Namie-san” she turned her angered gaze at the doctor and with lips pulled in a thin line she slowly let the white fabric to leave her fingers.

“If you want to end him” she brushed Shirna from her arm mocking at the taller man “do it. But be quick. I hate to admit it but” she spoke with all the hate she could find to the blond man. “Even he does not deserve this. The only time that this nuisance showed he has a heart and it’s killing him” she marched to the door and with final glance she left not waiting for any reply.

“Shizuo-kun” Shinra moved to his friend’s side. “Just…yeah, just what she said” he finished lamely seeing building up irritation in Heiwajima and leaving as well.

The door closed quietly leaving Shizuo staring for a brief moment at the spot where Shinra was standing at his side. He let a long exhale through his pinched mouth as if letting all the rage leave his body. He turned to stairs and with heavy steps he made his way up. From a corridor with few doors on each side he made his way to the one that were slightly ajar.

He pushed the wood with as little strength as he could master and the light from the corridor illuminated the edge of a bed. He let himself in and as quietly as he could he made his way to the side of a grand bed letting himself sit right beside asleep body. He roamed his eyes up and down of Izaya’s form taking in his weakened state. Limbs still, chest quivering with each shallow breath and skin of his face as white as if he was already dead.

The first time when he had heard from Shinra that Izaya was dying he could not believe in such ridiculous rumor. Seeing him only a day before very much alive and kicking. He could not grasp a concept of finally getting free of this pest. But the encounters were spare and brief with each passing week. None of usual people who hanged around (or maybe other way around) Orihara haven’t heard from him in a long time. The city had that fresh air not tainted by a stench of destruction and despair that cling to Izaya like a second skin. But in this moment the smell associated with the flea scumbag was non existing. The only thing Shizuo could smell was a heavy earthy smell like on a cemetery. Izaya already smelled like death. He shifted on his seat turning from sleeping man. He kept staring at his joined hands between his knees while leaning on his elbows. A short chuckle left his lips. That must have woke up the informant. That or a pitiful cough with no strength left in abused lungs. He felt a light touch at the side of his tight and he saw pale fingers that were pinching at the dark material of his slacks. He looked up the outstretched arm to finally meet a pale tired face. 

“So…” Izaya rasped with a shadow of a smile and eyes that could stay barely open. “You came to finish me?”

“Izaya” Shizuo’s voice boomed in the silence of a bedroom. “Give me the name” at that the brunet let go of a grip on Shizuo’s trousers letting his hand fall to the side and turning away annoyed with a question.

“Are hallucinations coming back? This concern is disgusting” he mumbled rolling to the other side and curling in a ball.

The cough pushed out of his lips and without even looking he searched for an always present box of tissues. He picked one and placed to his mouth. Shizuo could hear a noise of something trying to get out from Izaya’s insides while ripping the man into small shreds. After a moment all ended and the silence was deafening. Shizuo could see a tissue being pulled out from Izaya’s face and even in a low light he could see a dark stain on it. Izaya crushed it in a palm of his hand staring at the distance. Shizuo sighed with resignation and nearly turned the other way to keep glaring at his hands if not for a short quite sob. He froze midway with his eyes stuck in an imprint of Izaya’s head on a pillow.

“You want a name?” he said with such a defeat as if dying in silence could be an easier option. “Heiwajima Shizuo” he added and to that Shizuo turned sharply.

“What do you mean?!” the blond roared but only silence greeted him. “Oi! What…” he took in the still form that was laying on the side with curled back facing him. “Flea…” he jolted bony shoulder. “Oi! Izaya!” he turned the man to his back placing his hand right under pale chin with a trace of blood and few dark petals sticking to a skin under his lower lip. “Izaya! Wake up! Damn it!” he got to his knees digging them into a plush mattressand pulled out his cracked phone from a pocket of his slacks. He picked one of few contact numbers on his list. “Shinra! Get the hell back here! Now!”

“Shizuo-kun” the quite voice answered him.” It will not change…”

“Like hell it won’t! Get the fuck back here!” he shouted and throw his phone to the side of a bed.

He bent his head down with an ear to Izaya’s open lips to hear or feel a much needed breath. Nothing. With help of a mattres he pushed himself from still body and reached with his hands to still ribcage. He looked at his hands with fear. The force that was hiding under the skin was good only for destruction Shizui was laying like a path behind himself. He pulled them in fists and placed them at a center of Izaya’s chest. He let a shuddered breath out and with placing a center of his balance on his knees he pushed as lightly as he could.

“Like hell it won’t!” he roared putting a bit more strength in a second push. He could feel as bones and flash bent under his knuckles. “I promise you, you fucking flea” he hissed through clenched teeth wary of every push. “When you’ll get back I’m going to kill you!” Shizuo pushed one more time. “Always making problems!” he bent down pushing a breath out of his own lungs to Izaya’s to take another one into his own and giving it away once again. He sat down and once again pushed the chest. “If I would not love you, you bastard, I would leave you here to rot! You hear me?!” he once again turned to purple lips to give needed air. He rushed back up. “You only need to hear it to get better, right?!” he pushed some more almost chocking on hope after seeing a red flash coming from dark widows and a noise of sirens. “I love you, you sick fuck! I love you! So wake up!”

*

Shizuo was leaning on a wall in the middle of a hospital’s pale green corridor. He left his bow to replace with black tie and changed vest for black blazer with one side dangling on his arm while his hand was deep in a pocket of his slacks. His other hand was hanging uselessly on the side of his body holding a bouquet of all the flowers Namie has told him that had been bothering Izaya’s lungs for all these weeks. He pushed his hand out of a pocket and scratched at the back of his neck. He was not sure if they were appropriate reminder. The door on his side opened and a nurse walked out a bit startled to see a dark figure looming at the entrance.

“Hei…wajima-san?” she asked not sure if she remembered a right name.

“Yes, that’s me” he said with tired voice and pushed himself from the wall.

“You may come in” she bowed and pointed at the door with her hand.

He let out a breath and with few steps he passed the door with a bouquet heavy on his side. Izaya was sitting laying on few pillows and reading some magazine. Slowly Shizuo made his way to a plastic chair on the side of said bed. He sat down and a foil around flowers shimmered. That picked up Izaya’s attention. He looked at his guest and the present in his hands. He flipped a magazine shut placing it on the side of his legs covered with fluffy blanket. He pointed at the bouquet and to that Shizuo pulled them higher for the informant to see better.

“Those are for me?” Izaya asked finally.

“Yeah” Shizuo nodded and seeing outstretched arms he pulled them higher and placed them in Izaya’s arms.

“How thoughtful” the brunet took a sniff of their aroma and pulled them to look over each one of flowers. “How sad” with one glance at the open window on his right he throw them away. Shizuo stood up tripping a chair.

“What the fuck?!” he roared running to the window only to see all the flowers spilled on a lawn in front of an entrance to the hospital. He turned to Izaya looming above bedridden man. “That was a fucking present!” he pointed with his finger at the open window.

“Next time…” Izaya started with malice while pulling at Shizuo’s tie making him stumble and pushing him his way.” If you will bring me flowers I will rip your lungs out” he hissed but a second after he had his infamous smirk on his lips. Shizuo’s eyes catch on Izaya’s lips only to look back at the carmine gleaming eyes. He cleared his throat and licked his own. “Interesting…” Izaya hummed moving his own face to leave a small gap between them. “You want a taste of those flowers?” he said with seducing voice.


End file.
